Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - November 2012

01/11/12  ||  Global Domination

Murder Construct: Results

6.8/10

Lord K: Some semi-known people in this band (from bands such as Cattle Decapitation, Exhumed and bla bla), meaning you pretty much know what to expect: death/grind de luxe. By the numbers, boring, chaotic and exactly how it’s supposed to sound. 5

Habakuk: Yeah you play deathgrind alright. I’d feel more stimulated if I carried the neurotransmitters from my synapses to the receptors myself. 5

CadenZ: The best album in this edition by about 6660000000000000 miles. Brutal grinding death metal that violates every other band in this AA with a scorching pitch-fork up the good ol’ anus. 8

BamaHammer: Grind has never been my thing, but this is fast, brutal, and relentless. There’s even a few nice grooves here and there. In fact, one could say that the Results aren’t bad. 7

Sokaris: Furious death/grind composed of former and current members of Exhumed and Cattle Decapitation so of course it’s pretty badass. 8

Pr0nogo: One of this year’s most high-octane releases thus far. It doesn’t stop for longer than a second for 99% of the album. If you were a fan of Cattle Decapitation’s latest record, but didn’t like the production on it, this is probably for you. It has the same vocalist, anyways, which is a plus in my book (and a minus in the rest of the staff’s). 8

Ex Deo: Caligvla

6.3/10

Lord K: Roman Empire death metal? I don’t now what purpose this band fills, to be honest. The keyboards sound cheap and add a carnival feeling to the whole thing, but there are some decent things going on here and there. Lemme tell you one thing though, if I wanna hear/see something about Romans and shit, I’ll go watch “Braveheart”. I know it has nothing to do with that faggy empire, but it’s a damn good movie. 5

Habakuk: Kataklysm’s complete lineup apparently just decided to do something more worthwhile than their super-boring old shtick. Seriously, Kataklysm was (and still is?) the lamest band ever. So, they listened carefully to The Monolith Deathcult, chose ancient Rome as their theme and created a pretty awesome epic symphonic death metal disc. And suddenly I dig it. 8

CadenZ: No, it’s spelled Axe Deodo… oh. When the fuck did Hypocrisy start writing songs about ancient Roman emperors? And do it quite well? 7

BamaHammer: Sounding like some bastardized hybrid of Amon Amarth and Hollenthon, Ex Deo is the surprise of the month for me. This album is better than Kataklysm has shat out in years. 7

Sokaris: Over-the-top, symphonic Roman-themed metal from the Kataklysm dudes. Way better than anything the main band’s done since the Sylvain-fronted days. 7

Pr0nogo: Symphonic death metal, huh? Yeah, I don’t think these guys did it right. 4

Cryptopsy: Cryptopsy

6.2/10

Lord K: When these guys actually became listenable with “The unspoken king” they got so much shit from fans around the world it’s not even funny. I don’t get it. Now it seems as they have listened to said “fans” and went back to the completely relentless style they originally became known for. This self-titled effort is a display of amazing musicianship and take-no-prisoners, technical, death metal. I like “TUK” more, but this is fucken killer too. 8

Habakuk: I was never a big fan of Cryptopsy. This sounds decent at first, but after three songs it turns into a vacuum cleaner with some extra functions. Where’s my trusty old broom? 6

CadenZ: Pretty decent effort, though my boner’s still shy. You gotta whisper “supremacy” to it to get it out of its shell… (sorry) 6

BamaHammer: Cryptopsy was never my thing. Looks like it’s going to stay that way. 4

Sokaris: I was prepared to roll my eyes at the inevitable return to a more extreme sound after Cryptopsy’s attempts to court the mainstream failed miserably. The thing is, this is actually quality stuff. A good mix of spasms and groove all strung together with some memorable songwriting. Mocking your fans still qualifies Aunt Flo as a grade-A asshole for life though. 7

Pr0nogo: A bit closer to the Cryptopsy we heard back in the day, with some solos thrown in here and there. It makes for a fun listen, but there isn’t much replay value. Spin it once and try not to fall asleep – they’re technically-proficient musicians, but they can’t grab my attention for very long. 6

Evocation: Illusions of grandeur

6.2/10

Lord K: Sweden’s Evocation are back! I hear you say “who?”. Well, hear me out: “At the end of 1992, Evocation was considered as one of the most interesting Death Metal acts from Sweden, with a unique mix of the Gothenburg and Stockholm Death Metal sound. Despite the fact that several major labels contacted the band, Evocation was put on ice in the autumn of 1993 due to musical differences.” I don’t know who actually thought up this “one of the most interesting Death Metal acts from Sweden” thing, coz they weren’t, and they aren’t. Evocation’s firing up some fine, standard melodic death and that’s that. 6

Habakuk: I have heard this disc before like 100 times, but it’s still a nice backdrop for me being fucken metal. 6

CadenZ: Do you like Amon Amarth? What about At the Gates? Yes on both accounts? Consider yourself warned: though you may find “Illusions of Buttsecks” pleasing, the amount of rip-off is too damn high! 6

BamaHammer: These guys know how to be brutal and groovy which is good, but they have a hard time making themselves stick out in a crowd. At least to me. 6

Sokaris: Fairly well done until you realize that literally every song is the same tempo and general style. Amon Amarth style melodic death, even lacking diversity it’s not a bad listen. 6

Pr0nogo: An enjoyable death metal release. You wanted more than that? Go listen to Immolation. 7

The Gathering: Disclosure

5.7/10

Lord K: It’s quite interesting how The Gathering went from fellating the Gods Of Suck back in the day to the band they are today. It’s hardly metal anymore, but I don’t mind. I take this over all the plague metal bands any fucken second. The Gathering’s fucken killer at times and easily a top contestant in this edition of AA. 8

Habakuk: What kind of Indie Nightmare is interfering with the METORL here? This is Baroness on valium, with a girl singing! 5

CadenZ: Atmospheric alternative pop, quite good actually, and totally in line with the rest of the albums in this AA! 6

BamaHammer: Gothic rock. Chick vocals. Boring. Stop. Please. 3

Sokaris: A little dreamy sounding in its atmosphere but the sharp production grounds it a bit. Interesting balancing act here. It’s contemplative without ever getting too dark and mellow without living in ballad mode. 5

Pr0nogo: It seems like a pretty solid atmospheric rock album, but this just isn’t my cup of tea. For what it’s worth, fans of the genre should give this a listen. 7

Illdisposed: Sense the darkness

5.5/10

Lord K: It feels like these guys are releasing albums every 6 months. It’s also quite obvious over the course of the last recordings that they hit their peak with “1-800 Vindication”. That was some 8 years ago… They sound the same on this one, only not as good. Their melodic, (somewhat) modern (death?) metal makes for a decent trip though. At least a couple of times. 6

Habakuk: Workmanship, that’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. 7

CadenZ: One-dimensional brutality. I think I’m getting old, ‘cause this kind of stale beef jerky don’t interest me anymore. 5

BamaHammer: Pretty competent yet typical generic death metal that I’m not going to be listening to in a week. 5

Sokaris: Kinda bland, overly chuggy and “modern” in a bad way. Don’t think I’ll dispose ‘em, but I do sense the blandness. 5

Pr0nogo: Death metal we’ve heard before, combined with thrashy speeds we’ve heard before? Points for trying. 5

Sybreed: God is an automaton

5.5/10

Lord K: And while we’re at it… You want more modern metal? You want great fucken modern metal? You want some insanely fucken competent modern metal with the greatest production of all time? Then don’t listen to Sybreed’s latest offering. If you want some standard, anonymous Pro-Tool’d modern metal with everything that comes with it, here you go. I, as always, will fucken pass no matter the quality. 4

Habakuk: DJ, Girl, Astronaut, now an Automaton. Leave God alone! 7

CadenZ: What is this genre called? Djent? Djentcore? Deathcore? Manticore? Days-of-yore-core? Any which way, Sybreed defy logic and manage not to suck. Actually I like this album quite a lot, mainly because the riffs and arrangements have lots of passion and drive in them, and the clean vocals aren’t of the whiny sort. Who knew. 6

BamaHammer: I enjoy a good production as much as the next guy, but this turd is just too polished and sounds too fake. I’ll never be into Fear Factory for the same reason. 5

Sokaris: Oh hey, Sybreed. I remember their debut back in 2004; fairly decent, electro-melodic death with some general progressive elements. What’re they up to? Ohh… I see.. A few cool moments with good usage of synthesizers are mixed in with some parts that seem to suck on Meshuggah’s djentitals. 4

Pr0nogo: A pretty interesting blend of groove metal, industrial atmosphere, and death metal. Not only is it interesting, but it’s enjoyable! 7

ZZ Top: La futura

5.0/10

Lord K: Hahaha… yeah, ZZ-Top. You will not defy The Beards and the incredible boogie woogie! 5

Habakuk: …and when all else fails, the bearded men step in and recycle some old riffs. Still works like a charm for me though. 7

CadenZ: “I Gotsta Get Paid”. Gotsta. Really? 4

BamaHammer: ZZ Top has been remastering and renaming the same album for 73 years. 5

Sokaris: I don’t think I’ve ever heard something sound so literally tired. It’s not terrible but the general performance and tone completely lacks energy. 4

Pr0nogo: Hello, gramps. 5

Loudness: 2-0-1-2

4.2/10

Lord K: LOUDNESS?! Seriously? Japan should concentrate on bringing humanity gaming consoles, not music. 2

Habakuk: I just want to S-L-E-E-P. 4

CadenZ: Loudness, as in the abrasive loudness of the jagged shit sound of the pick that is held at too wide of an angle towards the strings? Well, you made it, fuckos. Let me shove your shit album down your throats, sideways. Twats. 2

BamaHammer: Gnarly old Japanese dudes still know how to rock it 31 years after their debut. I mean, this record ain’t great, but kudos for not giving in to the dementia or irregular bowels or kids on your lawn or whatever it is that plagues the elderly. 4

Sokaris: Tonally a lot more aggressive than I’d expect, though I’m not extremely familiar with Loudness back catalog. Still some life in these old Eastern bastards. 6

Pr0nogo: This is a pretty tight heavy metal release from Japan. Fans of RAM and co. will enjoy this record. Funny, I thought the Japanese were too busy crafting military walkers and watching weird pornography to pull something like this off. Is it unfortunate that I imagined a slanty-eyed Asian man flinching every time the vocalist opened his mouth? 7

Dokken: Broken bones

4.0/10

Lord K: If we were to talk about irrelevant bands, let’s start right here. I can’t possibly score this hardrock travesty lower than the sorry-excuse-for-a-band that is As I Lay Dying, so this one gets a: 3

Habakuk: I just don’t dig the dude’s vocals too much, and this kind of hard rock rises and falls with those. 5

CadenZ: Shameless Pearl Jam rip-off on “Best of Me”. I’d post you a link but it seems the “Even Flow” plagiarism was so blatant that even YouTube decided to ban the fuckers’ sorry effort. Otherwise this record sports some puzzling twists and turns from genre to genre, it’s fucken hard to get a grip of this shite. Not to worry, wouldn’t wanna hold a turd anyway. 3

BamaHammer: Hard rock for old dudes with three kids and minivan. 4

Sokaris: Like Europe’s last effort that we covered, better than I expected. Like Europe’s last effort, still not that good. Suck my cokken. 4

Pr0nogo: Don Dokken’s vocals seem very tired and fragile this time around – but honestly, who’s surprised? Next year, Dokken will be forty years old as a band. Yeah. They might not have gone completely downhill ( see also: Skid Row ) like a lot of the other old acts, but they sure aren’t improving. The only bigger surprise to me thus far has been the new Heart album. 5

Liv Kristine: Libertine

4.0/10

Lord K: It makes sense to have this chick on here in between Roman Empire death metal and Christian metal core. We need something quite useless in the female department as well, you know. Liv Kristine is irrelevant to metal and irrelevant to music in general. Elevator music. 4

Habakuk: Please develop your artistic personality outside of my hearing distance. 5

CadenZ: 00.50 into “Solve Me” (and in every subsequent chorus), Liv Kristine shows us what her pitch perception is like. The band: “But we’re playing D major! You can’t sing the minor third over that, it just sounds like shit!” Liv: “Fuck you! Who’s the star in this band?!” Fuck you, Liv. Fuck you very much. 2

BamaHammer: Typical goth metal with chick vocals. You’ve heard this a thousand times before, and they all sound exactly the same. If you like that stuff, you’ll like this. If you don’t, you won’t. 4

Sokaris: I miss old Theatre of Tragedy. Liv’s singing on an electric mix of poppy rock songs, a much more down-to-earth style than I’ve heard her on normally. Much better than the other solo project of the month. 5

Pr0nogo: Not sure how I feel about this. It’d be nice eye-candy if the album were one big music video, that’s for sure. Except for track four – it’s probably the best one on the album, but the guy’s lines are borderline creepy. As for the rest… can anyone say pop-rock? Her voice is alright. 4

Danko Jones: Rock and roll is black and blue

3.8/10

Lord K: Danko seems like a cool guy and a great entertainer, but his music is simply not for me. This kind of straight-forward 2012 rock’n‘roll (whatever) makes for good background music, but you’ll never catch me with it in my iPod. My wife loves Danko though. I guess that’s awesome. For him. 5

Habakuk: Well, if you liked Queens Of The Stone Age… 6

CadenZ: One part Queens of the Stone Age, one part Aerosmith, one part “Load”-era Metallica – excited much? Well, don’t be. The songwriting and execution are on par with the 1996 disappointment and… that’s about it. 4

BamaHammer: More like…Stanko Jones. Or something. Boring hard rock that won’t make anyone’s wiener even twitch. 2

Sokaris: Butt rock with no balls. 2

Pr0nogo: Good ol’ Danko’s contribution might have been appreciated in the late 90’s, when people didn’t realise that Korn was boring, but right now… nah. 4

As I Lay Dying: Awakened

3.7/10

Lord K: Christian metal core… If Jesus was more than a fictional character created by retarded human beings, he would tell As I Lay Dying to go fuck his imaginary friend Moses. In the arse. Who in their right set of mind actually listens to, and enjoys, this? 2

Habakuk: This is probably as good as this genre gets. No real weakness, just that I would rather listen to other stuff. 6

CadenZ: “Harder than expected,” said Monica Lewinsky. Didn’t do much to satisfy her, though. 4

BamaHammer: The American Plague. Now with religion! 3

Sokaris: Oh hey, more “New Wave of American Metalcore Bands Misusing Swedish Influence”… No thanks. 3

Pr0nogo: Some parts are catchy, most of it is dull. Looking back to their previous full-length, this feels very, very juvenile. And what’s with the clean vocals? This time around, they sound like they belong in a fucking hardcore band. Disappointing, but not entirely unforeseen. 4

Steve Harris: British lion

3.2/10

Lord K: Perfect, how I have waited. A solo album by the mighty Steve Harris of Def Leppard fame. I only have one question… Why? Perhaps becoz it doesn’t sound like Def Leppard and the world really needs some cheap sounding, trivial hardrock in 2012? Yeah, that’s fucken it. 4

Habakuk: British Kitty cat. Meow! Purrrr! 5

CadenZ: Steve Harris and some guys who never made it (we now know why) playing 90’s alternative rock/metal with an absolutely shitty demo production and untight delivery. Should this band/album be abolished? No. They should serve as an example of what music of any kind never should sound like. Tired, uninspired, badly arranged, poorly played and sung shitty feces of a shit album. 1

BamaHammer: This never fucken happened. Got it? 4

Sokaris: There’s a band like this in your town that’s kind of popular but aren’t ever going anywhere past having drunken buddies pay $5 to see them. Get back to Maiden, Steve. 3

Pr0nogo: Steve Harris managed to fail the one-question test that all metal bands have to answer: “Am I going to play metal?” The correct answer is yes, so you know which one Steve checked off when taking the test. 2

Ektomorf: Black flag

2.3/10

Lord K: There are few bands who irritate and piss me off as much as these guys do. I want you to read this review and apply every single word from it to this one, coz I need not say more. 2

Habakuk: There is this small glimmer of hope that shines through very rarely, but honestly, save yourself the time. 3

CadenZ: Effujolollkmoez?? Mahhmahhhamhhhhmahhhhamhhhmahhhhh…IGRIKKI!! Bla- sorry, this IQ-free shit is fucken contagious. 3

BamaHammer: Ektomorf. I’ll just let K do all the talking on this one. This album sucks though. 2

Sokaris: Ektomorf started life as a Hungarian Soulfly worship act. And somehow that worked out okay for them. This makes me want to jump the fuck up… and turn this off. 2

Pr0nogo: Ahahahaha…. Five Finger Death Punch from Hungary… Hahahahaha… ahahahah… ahaha… fuck you. Listening to the first ten seconds of “Unscarred” gave me motherfuckin’ brain cancer. 2